Hmm,
Well, I guess i should stop now on giving signals and all that. Somewhere in my heart, I told myself to quit. So I went to my "mentor", and asked him whether it'll be proper to quit, or what am I gonna do now?
He said "You go take your bath first, take your time and think of what you want under the shower, then come back and find me."
So I did.
I thought and thought.
And I begin to discover myself whilst typing my thoughts out...
"What do I really want?
Thinking this way, I’m in a bit of dilemma because after only a few attempts to court a girl, I feel the frustration and burden. Somewhere in my heart, I don’t want to go on.
Why do I feel frustrated? Is it because I don’t really like the girl, which I am too ashamed to admit this statement? Do I really like the girl? What makes me choose this girl? What do I want?
Looking back, I never had any girlfriend before, and I was rejected for a multiple number of times. There are many reasons that arisen, some I am too ashamed and defensive to admit.
I am a “flower heart”, that I never really admitted fully to myself. This is always seen as bad by other people, which is why I defended myself on that statement. Is it a bad thing? I admit in some ways it will bring trouble to me, but if I don’t accept it, wouldn’t it get worse? So I have this “flower heart” problem, how should I deal life with it? Even if I say I’d like to court this girl, my heart sometimes tell me to think about the other person. Yes, I should think. I had always been indecisive… never really decide on what I want.
Let’s face it; I court this girl because I was desperate to have a girlfriend, not because I really like her. Why must I be desperate? Others have their partners and have someone to talk to, sweet time with each other, holding each other whispering, joking…
What motivates me, I know. Girls motivate me, girls whom I think are pretty enough. Any encouragement, no matter how small, energizes me for at least half a day. Appreciation gives me the most motivation, real sincere appreciation, no matter how small it is.
So do I need a girlfriend? Since all I need are girls’ motivation and appreciation? Another reason is that I want a girlfriend is to have a girl talk to me. Someone to talk to… And a girl’s touch. I won’t die without any certain girl; it’s just that I longed for any girl to talk to, to be with, anyone who’s pretty enough.
In the end.. what is it that I want?"
So I had to admit to some of my "bad points", which was hard, because I wanted myself to be a "good" guy.
I went back to my "mentor" and told him what I discovered myself. There I said my decision:
"I should stop now and hang around a bit, until I can find a girl that really sticks to mind"
There he said,
"You have made your decision."
Be it then.
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2 comments:
is that ur mentor is Anthony ?? xD
Hmm.. it's rite, you make a good decision, coz never start a relationship with the person if you are not confirm that you love the person or not. This is what my mentor told me. She said, if you start the relationship with the person that you dislike, and you start bcos of loneliness, you will regret in ur future.
Friends. Congratulate that you wake up and hope that 1 day you will find the person that you love and she loves you too !! Wish you luck !!
There's no good or bad decision in this case. Actually it's all up to you. I'd seen a lot example of couples begin their relationship without making sure that they are really loving each other. Some of them broke off but they are still friend. It could be pain but they learned a lot from it. They know what problem will occurs between a couple and they know how to deal with it because they experienced it! There are success examples that they live happily with each other now. So, it's all up to you, be yourself. Wish you meet the one who you really love and really love you soon.
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